Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize