I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
