Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The Olympian is in my bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
