so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
