I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
