the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize