i just google imaged poop.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
