I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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