Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize