I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
