So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
