i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize