I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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