While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
