I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize