Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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