Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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