they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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