Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
