So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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