We won't sleep together?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
