she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
