id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
