I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I could fuck to npr.
How does one acquire holy water?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
