it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
