I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
