it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
