Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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