6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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