dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
