I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
