You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
