I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
