I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize