the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
