I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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