If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its not stalking. its research.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize