Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
