i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And then he peed in my hair
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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