So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
