After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
