She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
