Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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