SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
