i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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