Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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