i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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