it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
