I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize