Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
