there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
