Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
