we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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