I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
