The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
