Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
