he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
