My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
