I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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