Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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