well most of my day revolves around power hour
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
