I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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