But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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