He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
