i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize