what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize