honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize