i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
