Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
