I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What changed your mind?
Being sober
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
