He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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