Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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