I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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