i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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