I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
