Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
