woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize