hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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