I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
