She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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