I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
