apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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