its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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