I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
