Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
