so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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