I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
