Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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