remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
