How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize