Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
