Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
