Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
