i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
