am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
