I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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