Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
