they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize