How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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