it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
