i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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