so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I will pee on everything he values.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
