Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
