stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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