I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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