Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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