why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
3 2 1 whiskey
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
