he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
