Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
