I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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