So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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