my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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